A vocation is love. Love is patient. This is the first thing I learned in my own discernment. To be patient.

"Seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be opened to you." This is second thing I have learned in my discernment.

And the third thing....well that's just it, I don't know yet. I don't know. Perhaps that is the third thing? Learning to be okay with not knowing? Well perhaps I'll never know. And oddly, I'm okay with that.

I do know that I have grown a lot since my first "re-conversion", though at first it didn’t seem like it. I realize now that there is actually no such thing as having only one conversion. Sure, there is the initial one, but then there are more, deeper conversions that happen later on. Each one is a new milestone in our walk with Christ. Each one brings us closer and closer to becoming the person that God made us to be.

Each one is a new step in our discernment. After all, isn't that what we are discerning in the first place? Not just where He wants us to be, but who He wants us to be. How are we supposed to fit in the "square slot" that He has pre-destined for us, if we are still in the shape of a triangle?

"Do not conform yourselves to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect" Romans 12:2

The world tells us that we must be a triangle. It tells us that its no good to be a square. But if we are not a square, then what good is knowing where the slot is, if we wont fit in it? God wouldn’t torture us with that predicament.

In this short verse  from St Paul's letter to the Romans, he tells us that, in order to discern the will of God, what is "good and pleasing and perfect", we must first become transformed. Transformed by the renewal of our minds, the renewal of our hearts. But if we conform ourselves to "this world", if we do what the world tells us to do, then we cannot discern. God won't let us. He doesn’t want us to feel the rejection of not fitting into the slot that He has made for us.

But if we listen to Him, if we transform ourselves into who He made us to be, that "square", then is when we can fully carry out His holy and true will.

In the name of the Father + and of the Son + and of the Holy Spirit +. Amen.

Pax Christi.